who am i?

calm conversation
remisce the past.
all forgotten memories
of ones ferral past.
filled regret the friends i never meant to hurt
and those that caused the pain
i dont want to feel again
oh how i wished it was him on the ground
all the threats i listened to
my one wish for all an end to the lies
years later
a past once forgotten,
the same issue dont you see?
arrogance is he.
waking still damp pillow
eyes not yet dry.
spend ones nights thinking
how life use to be.
lil munchkin oh how proud  
shamed regret of what she thinks,
a brother once unstopable
taken in tears by a girl.
accused for the blade in hand,
shouts as the crimson drips
misplaced anger

both towards self
and those who light the fuse
twist and swing the blade
any buyers of my hate?
the husk now in ones place
bear the mask no more
they thought they once knew me
but i dont know who i am
is this me?
or am i still in my own hell?
empy every last bottle
as the smoke begins to fade

searching

with want to feel whole again